Divorce-related Malicious Mother Syndrome

 

With the increasing commonality of divorce involving children, a pattern of abnormal behavior has emerged that has received little attention, defined as Divorce Related Malicious Mother Syndrome.”  Specific criteria are provided with abundant clinical examples. Given the lack of scientific data available on the disorder, issues of classification, etiology, treatment, and prevention appear ripe for investigation.

 

A divorced man gains custody of his children and his ex-wife burns down his home. A woman in a custody battle buys a cat for her offspring because her divorcing husband is highly allergic to cats. A mother forces her children to sleep in a car to "prove" their father has bankrupted them. The actions illustrate a pattern of abnormal behavior that has emerged as the divorce rate involving children has grown.

 

Today, half of all marriages will end in divorce. The number of children involved in divorce has grown dramatically as well. While the majority of such cases are "settled" from a legal perspective, outside the courtroom the battle continues.

 

While the media correctly portray the difficulties imposed upon women and children by the "Deadbeat Dad" phenomenon, the cameras have yet to capture the warfare waged by a select group of mothers against child support paying, law-abiding fathers. Everyday, attorneys and therapists are exposed to horror stories in which vicious behaviors are lodged against innocent fathers and children. Unfortunately, there are no scientific data on the subject. Similarly, the clinical literature has relatively ignored the problem

 

Definition

 

1. A mother who unjustifiably punishes her divorcing or divorced husband by:

a. Attempting to alienate their mutual children from the father

b. Involving others in malicious actions against the father

c. Engaging in excessive litigation

2. The mother specifically attempts to deny her child(ren):

a. Regular uninterrupted visitation with the father

b. Uninhibited telephone access to the father

c. Paternal participation in the child(ren)'s school life and extracurricular activities

3. The pattern is pervasive and includes malicious acts towards the husband including:

a. Lying to the children

b. Lying to others

c. Violations of law

4. The disorder is not specifically due to another mental disorder, although a separate mental disorder may co-exist.

 

Criterion 1A: Alienating the Children

 

The range of actions taken by a mother to attempt to alienate her children from their father is impressive. For example:

One mother lied to her children that she could no longer buy food because their father had spent all of their money on women in topless bars.

A doctor's wife forced her 10-year-old son to apply for federally funded free school lunches to delude the boy that his "daddy has made us poor."

 

A woman, who for years was very close to the children in a custody battle, was asked by their mother to give up neutrality and join her campaign against the father to "dance on his grave." When the friend refused to give up her neutrality, the mother falsely informed her children that their father was having an affair with this woman.

 

These behaviors, if successful, could lead a child to not only hate the father, but perhaps go years without seeing him. 

 

Criterion 1B: Involving Others in Malicious Actions

 

The second component of the first major criterion where the mother attempts to punish the husband, involves manipulating other individuals to engage in malicious acts against the father. Examples of this kind are as follows:

 

During a custody battle, a mother lied to a therapist about the father's behavior. The therapist, having never spoken with the father, appeared as an "expert" witness to inform the Judge that the mother should be the primary residential parent and that the father needed to be in therapy.

 

One angry mother manipulated teenagers to leave anonymous threatening notes at the ex- husband's home.

 

A mother, who had lost legal custody of her children, manipulated a secretary at the child's school to assist in kidnapping the child.

 

In the above examples, it is important to note that the person manipulated by the angry mother has, in a way, been "alienated" against the divorcing husband. Typically, the individual "duped" takes on a righteous indignation, contributing to a rewarding climate for the mother initiating malicious actions.

 

Criterion 1C: Excessive Litigation

 

There is little question that either party in a divorce or custody proceeding is entitled to appropriate legal representation and action.

 

Individuals suffering from Divorce-Related Malicious Mother Syndrome, however, attempt to punish the divorcing husband by engaging in excessive litigation.

 

A belligerent and unreasonable mother verbally attacked her ex-husband whenever she saw him. Over time, his response was to ignore her. She then took him to court, asking the judge to require the ex-husband to talk with her.

 

One mother told a judge that her daughter was not really her divorcing husband's child.

 

One woman refused to stop attacking her ex-husband through the courts, despite numerous attorneys being fired or voluntarily leaving the case. Over a three-year period, seven different attorneys were utilized.

 

Criterion 2A: Denying Regular Visitation

 

A mother who previously attacked her ex-husband physically during visitation transfers of the children, refused to provide the children when the ex-husband had the police attend to monitor exchanges.

 

When one divorced father arrived to pick up his children for visitation, the mother arranged for her and the children to be elsewhere so that the father could not visit with the children.

 

One mother had her physically intimidating boyfriend assault her ex-husband when he came to pick up his children for visitation.

 

A father called to speak to his children and was told that they were not at home when, in fact, he could hear their voices in the background.

 

When one father called to speak with his children, the mother put him on "hold," informed no one, and then left him on hold.

 

Knowing that the children's father was away on vacation, one mother encouraged them to leave several messages on his answering machine to call back immediately only if he would like some additional visitation time with his children.

 

Some fathers find the alienation attempts so painful and fruitless that they eventually are extinguished from calling their children; they simply "give up." Placed in a no-win scenario, the father's "abandonment" unfortunately achieves the precise result aimed for by the individual suffering from Divorce-Related Malicious Mother Syndrome.

 

Criterion 2C: Denying Participation in Extra-Curricular Activities

 

An integral part of the process of maintaining one's bond with one's child is to participate in activities that one did before the parents separated. School plays, team sports, and religious events are just some of the type of activities of importance. Malicious Mothers frequently engage in maneuvers designed to prevent participation in these activities.

 

One father was deliberately given the wrong date and time for an important event for the child. The child was asked by the mother, "I wonder why your father didn't want to come to see you today"?

 

One mother refused to provide the father with any information about any extra-curricular activities in which the children were engaged.

 

Prior to a child's soccer game, one mother told many of the team parents disparaging falsehoods about the visiting father. When he came to watch his son's soccer game, many of these parents looked at him with angry eyes, refused to talk with him, and walked away when he moved toward them.

 

Criterion 3A: Malicious Lying to the Children

 

One divorcing mother told her very young daughter that father was "not really" her father, even though he was.

 

An eight-year-old girl was forced by her mother to hand unpaid bills to her father when he visited because the mother had falsely told the daughter that the father had not provided any economic means of support to the family.

 

One mother falsely told her children that their father had repeatedly beaten her up in the past.

 

Criterion 3B: Malicious Lying to Others

 

Individuals suffering from Divorce-Related Malicious Mother Syndrome may engage a wide range of other individuals in their attacks upon the ex-husband. However, with this particular criterion, the individual with Divorce-Related Malicious Mother Syndrome specifically lies to other individuals in the belligerency against the father. Some examples include the following:

 

One furious mother called the president of the (1500 employee) workplace of her divorcing husband, claiming falsely that he was using business property for person gain and was abusing their mutual children at his work locale.

 

One woman falsely told state officials that her ex-husband was sexually abusing their daughter. The child was immediately taken away from him and his access to her was denied.

 

During the course of a custody dispute, one mother falsely informed the guardian, who was investigating the parenting skills of each parent, that the father had physically abused her.

 

Criterion 3C: Violating Law to Attack the Husband

 

Individuals suffering from Divorce-Related Malicious Mother Syndrome, have few, if any boundaries in their campaign against the divorcing husband. Violations of law are common in many cases, although the laws broken may be relatively minor. However, in some cases, the violations of law may be quite serious.

 

One woman deliberately drove her automobile into the house of the ex-husband where their mutual children resided.

 

In the midst of a custody battle, one woman broke into the residence of her divorcing husband and stole important business papers.

 

An angry divorcing mother called a Christian evangelical television station and pledged $1,000, giving the name, address and phone number of her divorcing Jewish husband for the pledge.

 

Criterion 4: Not Due to Another Disorder

 

In assessing the Divorce-Related Malicious Mother Syndrome, it is important to note that many of the above examples seem to have occurred in individuals who had no prior mental disorder diagnosis or treatment. In fact, one mother who engaged in extreme maliciousness toward her divorcing husband had several mental health professionals testify that she was not suffering from any type of mental disorder.

 

In some cases, an Adjustment Disorder might seem an appropriate diagnosis, yet one woman still denied her ex-husband visitation 10 years after the divorce. Other cases might suggest a possibility of a personality disorder diagnosis, yet one woman who repeatedly violated the law in attacking her ex-husband, received no personality disorder diagnosis despite being evaluated by masters level and doctoral level examiners. In some instances, Intermittent Explosive Disorder might be considered, yet the anger for many of the mothers does not appear to be intermittent.

 

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